28.6.09

MEMORIES THAT REMAIN

21 june

21.june

STARWALK !!!!!!!!!!! XD

17.06.09...11pm

i try to let the matter drop..
...........................as if..
life would be much better without all these COMPLICATED
REPUGNANT feelings

i've been showing an ambivalent attitude towards somebody..
my goodness..
when will i really understand the meaning of LETTING GO!!!!!!


WHAT DO FRIENDS REALLY MEAN??
the dictionary states that FRIENDS ARE PEOPLE WHO ONE KNOWS AND LIKES,
A HELPER AND A SUPPORTER
FRIENDS.......... URGH....

17.06.09 ...8pm

i've been feeling so lonely all this while..
nobody ever notice that..
nobody even seem to care..
i've been finding someone to replace the emptyness
i'm tired








i don't want to be disdain..
i don't want to live on another's favour..
i don't want others to look down on me..

i cannot lose...

17.6.09...6pm

You all have been hurting me all the while



did you EVER notice that???????

5.6.2009

There's a new 'him'..
i call him 'eye lashes' cuz he really has very nice and long eye lashes..
i talked to 'him' today..
'he's' very shy... >.<

MY NOUGHTS AND CROSSES..

ANYONE CAN HELP ME TO CHANGE THE SAD ONE TO A SMILEY ONE?

omg.. i'm obsessed with swiss rolls.. !!!

i hate it when there's still a plce for him

1.6.09 MY WORST DAY OF ALL

i supposed to have my english tuition tomorrow but tomorrow i want to go somewhere else , so i went for today's lesson..
i heard that he is there too..
someone made me believe that he had gone to kl for some competition..
well..
since he's not there.. of course i feel safe to go..
UNFORTUNATERLY.........
when the lesson had started for 5 minutes..
someone that looked exactly like him walked into the class..
okay.. it is him!!
omg.....
what should i do..
the first thing i could think of was to use the file to cover my face..
i think he didnt notice me at first..
he really didnt notice me at all..
i dono what happened that day..
the teacher, who never called me to read in class, asked me to read the 2nd paragraph..
obviously he knew i was there after the teacher called me..
honestly.. i hate the teacher..
when the teacher called me.. i kept quiet for a few seconds.. i didnt know what to do!!
then the teacher called me again..
i read.. with my tiniest voice..
did i hear him laugh when i was reading??
i'm not sure..
i just had the feeling to hit him hard on the head..
later.. the teacher asked him to anwser the question..
well
now i'm 100% sure it was exactly him..
before the teacher called his name..
i prayed that was not him..
maybe just someone who looked like him.
but when the teacher called him.. my hopes were smashed.. it was him..

you cant understand the feeling unless you passed through something like me..

i wonder what he was thinking when he knew it was me..
i wonder what he felt when he knew it was me..
did he have the same feeling like me too?
i bet he didnt feel anything AT ALL..
i know he was emotionless and he is still emotionless..

when the class ended.. i wanted to wait until everyone was out only i walked out..
but my 'dear' friend couldnt wait..
and he, WAS STILL CHATTING WITH HIS FRIENDS IN HIS SEAT..
(he sat 2 chairs away from me.. there's a guy between us-LUCKILY)

my fren was rushing me to go out..
okay!!
fine!!
i had to walk the smaller and narrower way to go out , so that i wouldnt pass in front of him..
UNFORTUNATELY..
when i stood up,, he stood up also..
wat is his problem!!
either he went out before me or after me..
but now.. we had to go out TOGETHER!!
urgh!!
i don want.. T_________T

i quickly stood up and rushed to the door..
i had to go out before him!!
and my fren was blocking the way!!
i was so panicked that i pushed her away..
i feel very sorry to her..
really..
i heard the teacher said "why is she in a hurry?"

my fren didnt help me either..
she said i acted like a mouse!!
i think it was very obvious that i was avoiding him..

wat can i do??
i was so panicked
so scared
so nervous
i don want to let him see me
i dono why..

1.6.09

a week had passsed.
i know it sounds stupid.. but i'm still waiting for his msg..
but..
unfortunately..
he didnt send any msg..
somebody told me he doenst have a hp now..
was that considered as a consolation?
i cannot console myself with that thought..
last year he used someone else's hp to send me a msg..just to wish me..

i feel sorry for being so greedy..
i didnt appreciate and i want it back now..
i'm stupid..
is it so hard to forget him?
time doesnt seem to do much help on this.

27.5.09 TODAY'S MY BD

Today's my birthday.. i was waiting for his msg..i thought he would wish me birthday.. at least he did last year.. i was so confident.. i was so sure that he would wish me..i waited.. no msg from him..5 more minutes left.. i was still waiting.. finally.. 12am.. 28.5.09..he still didnt send me any msg or wishes..

i'm disappointed.. i'm very sad..
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
he didnt wish me
i wonder why?
had he forgotten?

bring me somewhere else that i cant see him anymore

this's for me =)

teh..this's for you